My husband was mortified, which is a hard task to accomplish. But I swear, I didn’t pick out the women’s denim overall shorts. They picked me.
It was a group date night with two other couple friends, and since it involved dressing up in some/any capacity, I’d been really looking forward to it. The premise: Each person gets $10 and 15 minutes. You all head to a thrift store, and you get to pick out your partner’s outfit for the night, spending no more than the bill in your hands. Whatever they select, you have to wear. Out to a nice dinner.
I was scared my husband would dress me in used granny panties and nothing more, but I realized the stakes were much higher when he threatened me with a highly bedazzled, 2006-style, Ed Hardy cowgirl — bad enough to be humiliating but worse: believable. Already on the defense, I dove into the racks, challenged by my husband’s ogre stature.
One guy ended up in head-to-toe leopard print, including a fuzzy hat with built-in scarf gloves (and no, that doesn’t make sense and neither did the hat). His girlfriend’s outfit was a cross between a scarecrow and a beach bum. A scare bum.
Another guy sported a Hawaiian-style button-up, but with swirling dragons instead of flowers. His girlfriend, in a calf-length denim dress embroidered with hearts, looked like an extra-super-duper hip Cool Mom, made extra amusing due to the fact that she dry heaves at the idea of having children.
I was shocked by the amount of clothing my husband handed me. A thick pantsuit four sizes too big in a confusing hue of iridescent blue-neon-green-grey-black-brown-puce that would be labeled “Washed Up Shark Carcass” if it were a crayon. It accentuated my nothing.
I swear I didn’t realize what I’d done until I handed my husband his denim onesie, to be worn with nothing underneath. Plus one floral pocket scarf to tuck into the pocket because.
“It’s a male romper,” he said with a mixture of agony and fear. “You dressed me like a hipster.”
As soon as he put it on, I realized he would blend right into the college town. I had picked him out the worst outfit possible, thinking it was sarcastic but being too old to realize that what I thought was ugly was actually cool again.
He got a lot of accepting nods and bro-high-fives as we walked through downtown that night, but I got none. I guess Washed Up Shark Carcass pantsuits haven’t come back into style yet. I’ll hold onto it for a few more years, though, just in case. Apparently, I no longer have any idea what is cool. Or horrible.
Looking for some date night ideas around Boulder County? Here are a few of my favorite events to wear my new-old pantsuit:
Pottery date night: Sign up for date night at the Boulder Pottery Lab’s Boulder studio, 1010 Aurora Ave. from 6-9 p.m. Saturday (June 17). Partners will work on pottery wheels together (yes, just like “Ghost”). Make a piece together and bring a bottle of wine. The studio will glaze and fire your creation to take home. Get tickets online at EventBrite.
Couples’ golf date night: Twin Peaks golf course, 1200 Cornell Drive in Longmont, is holding a couples’ golf night 5:30-8:30 p.m. Friday. Learn or improve your golf skills with your partner over nine holes. All levels welcome. Learn more at [email protected].
The ninth-annual 1940s WWII Era Ball: This 1940s-themed event is one of the biggest bashes in Boulder every summer. With big band music, costumes, pin-up girls, food, drinks, dancing, impersonators and more, this event sells out every year. It starts at 5 p.m. Saturday (June 17) at the Boulder Airport, 3393 Airport Road, Boulder. For more information, check out the 1940s Ball online.
Arts in the Open: Art and nature comes together at Chautauqua Park 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Saturday (June 17) during Arts in the Open. Patti Murtha will present “The Oddest Sea: Greek Gods and Giggles,” which will include a moderate hike up the trail while scenes of the play are performed along the way. Get more info at Arts in the Open.
Taste It Broomfield: The 1stBank Center in Broomfield will be filled with food samples made by local restaurants, plus locally made wine and beer. This event sells out and you have to get tickets in advance. Learn more from the Broomfield Chamber of Commerce.
Movies in the Park: See a free film under the stars 7 p.m. Friday (June 16) at Waneka Lake Park, 1600 Caria Drive, in Lafayette. See the monthly line-up at cityoflafayette.com/recreation.